These Phrases shared by My Father Which Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a wider failure to talk between men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a respite - going on a couple of days away, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a family member, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising you is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."